Comatose reactions may be more than just bad manners, experts warn

CONKED OUT!

Fainting fad potentially “tip of the iceberg” for boredom

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Political Intervention

A global militant separatist group calling itself ReAction Ennui has claimed credit for the wave of what they are calling “Discourse Disruptions”, but little is known about the group beyond its three line manifesto.

 

RAEs

  • Platitudes are Poisonous

  • Boredom is Contagious

  • Suicide or Silence

Fears have been raised that a wave of blackouts at dinner parties, gallery openings and children’s football games might be caused by an “allergy” to social conventions.

Witnesses claim the listless layabouts collapse in reaction to regular small talk as if under a spell, and culprits are piling up across A&E departments with symptoms similar to “locked-In Syndrome”. And it seems somnambulant citizens are talking themselves into this condition.

 

Silent Treatment

Those afflicted are uncommunicative for up to 3 days, during which they soil themselves and do not take on food or water. Afterwards they appear up cheerful and apparently refreshed but claim to have no memory of what happened.

 

Giving Up

A recruitment consultant from Harrow in the UK that asked not to be named told us “I’d been discussing catchment areas with this fellow when he interrupted and asked me what time B&Q closed on Sunday. Well at this point he seemed to have a mild seizure. He then shook his head, passed me his drink and lay down on the floor. It was like he’d totally given up.”

 

Check out

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6 DIFFERENT THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR SOUL MATE ON A DATE IN PUBLIC

  1.   Lovely weather we’re having.

  2.   I like cats but I’m a dog person.

  3.   The sky’s a wonderful shade of blue today.

  4.   You like basil?

  5.   Microsoft Word sure is useful, huh, babe?

  6.   That Brendan Fraser sure can act.

 

Look!

Are Collapsing Soldiers Too Bored To Serve?

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From the Archives

DOWNLOAD:

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Small Talk scripts

 

 

As taught to the Youth

 

How To Small Talk: An Interactive Video Guide for Toddlers, Tots & Tweens!

Have fun with Proust the Platypus (voiced by Timothy Spall) as he teaches you the art of small talk!

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Proust the Platypus: Hey, kids, how are you?

(A silence follows.)

Proust the Platypus: Aaaaaaah! You just broke the first two rules! Always acknowledge the other person and never leave a question unanswered ! Let’s try that again – hey, kids, how are you?

Recent Broadcast

FMFM

Bootleg copy of a recent radio broadcast by the infamous underground (and very illegal) radio station ‘FMFM’: No one knows who runs FMFM. No one knows the voices behind it. They hide behind aliases. All we know is that on the airwaves of FMFM, there is talk and it sure ain’t small…

 

 

We speak to the People

JOE PUBLIC and his WIFE

On the streets of Australia people are not happy…

“She wouldn’t ask me about my day. She refused. She would sit there in silence rather than pass the time of day with me.”

“It’s the kids that are the worst. They just can’t be polite. It’s not nice. It costs nothing to be polite.”

“He would not answer my questions. I would ask again and again. Still nothing. I would find myself asking the same question until he at least acknowledged it. It was humiliating. But even then he wouldn’t answer me.”

 

Research

Prescribed Small Talk and Western Communication Methodologies

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A previous study into religion and social media led researchers from Southampton University to launch their own series of tests. This research has led to a number of conclusions about social awkwardness, small talk and new communication problems in 21st century western life.

Social Awkwardness, Prescribed Small Talk and Western Communication Methodologies

For full study – *click here to buy*

Previous study and references:

Jones, Felicity Kelman (2009). The Religious Beliefs Of Social Media Users. PhD thesis The Open University

The Rebels amass

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  • DISPOSE OF MANNERS

  • DENY SMALL TALK

  • QUESTION ONLY ACTION

  • REFUSE THE SELF AS SUBJECT

  • SILENCE IS TREASURE

 

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12 Steps

  1. Sing of the love of danger and fearlessness.
  2. Write about courage, audacity, and revolt.
  3. Exalt aggressive action – the punch and the slap – the knockout.
  4. We affirm that the world’s magnificence has been enriched by fury.
  5. Hurl the lance of wit across the Earth, along the circle of its orbit.
  6. Long live the Neanderthal spirit.
  7. Create work with aggressive character.
  8. We stand on the last promontory of existence. Don’t look back, when what we want is to break down the mysterious doors of boredom?
  9. We will glorify beautiful ideas worth dying for, or falling down for.
  10. We will destroy the complacent, the boring and those lacking an opinion.
  11. We will sing of great crowds excited by work and pleasure.
  12. We will sing of the multi-coloured, polyphonic tides of revolution; we will !

 

 

 

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